Monday, August 08, 2005

Alice, nymphal in size and litheness, was candy for connoisseurs of the lean. During her Sunday stroll in the park a dapper, doll-sized Teddy Bear darted across her path and into a clump of trees, bobbing left and right past slanting trunks.

"I'm bait!" his voice drifted back to her. She took off after him, hoping to catch and cuddle him. Her pursuit brought her into a dense sameness of shadowy green where she no longer saw any motion. She wandered along for a while, unsure in which direction the Teddy had vanished, until she came upon a clearing. In the clearing was a tree, and around the tree was dancing the Teddy, apparently waiting to be caught. "He's all mine!" she thought as she dashed under the hanging foliage, towards the hopping and skipping bundle of fluff.

"Eat me," said a cookie dangling seductively from one of the branches above her.

"Go ahead," said the Teddy, looking up at her, "It's a cookie tree." The aroma of freshly baked cookies drifted down to her nose. She took the cookie and began nibbling at it with increasing excitement. It was still warm!

"Why, these cookies are exquisite!" she exclaimed, enraptured by the taste.

"Thank you," said the tree. Meanwhile the Teddy bided his time, leaning against the tree trunk, glancing at his pocket watch.

"Eat me," said another cookie. And another. An entire chorus. The more cookies she ate, the fatter she got, until finally the tree was out of cookies.

"Dear me, I'm going to need new clothes," she said to herself, perceiving that her old blouse and skirt had burst into tatters under the stress of her new ampleness.

"You came to just the right place," the Teddy tossed in, "I'm a designer, specializing in costumes for fairy tales. But business has been bad of late. No more fairy tales." He shrugged and handed her his calling card, which she turned over in her chubby hands, studying the sleek, stylized lettering on the small rectangle: "Fashions of Theodore - Have Cookie - Will Crumble."

Story #263

Note from Indeterminacy: Isn't this the worst story I've posted yet? I feel I have to apologize for it. ;-)

I wanted to double dedicate this to Alix in Wunderland and to Alice in Wonderland or Not but it doesn't make sense to dedicate a story about an overweight Alice to an Alice and an Alix who appear in my fantasies as the slender nymphs of the before cookie Alice. (OK, I'll do it tentatively - but if there's any offense, let me know and I'll take it back).

All your stories will be reposted at and tonight I will announce all the winners of the June and July contributions.


Anonymous said...

In the Rest Home for Classic Literary Characters, Alice resisted card playing, chess, and croquet, as they brought back bad associations. She also seemed to prefer gardens without flowers, and she was very suspicious of food and drink, especially around tea time.
She disliked many animals, especially rabbits and caterpillars, but eventually she embraced the cause of the panda. Unfortunately, as soon as she fed it some bamboo marked "eat me," her new baby panda turned into a stuffed animal, sending Alice over the edge.
She can now be seen, dressed sympathetically in black and white, wandering about the unflowered parts of the grounds and crooning songs about jabberwocks and Father William to the toy. She hopes to one day find a mushroom that will restore him to reality.

A Little Bar of Soap said...

Sally had come of age at last. Finally, she was 14 and old enough to be baptized. She had looked forward to this day all of her life!

She woke up early that day, putting on her finest white dress for the sacrament. She was so excited that she couldn't even eat breakfast! She decided to bring her childhood friend, Noah the Panda, along to the event. (Of course, she let her little sister Margaret hold Noah during the actual baptism so that he wouldn't get ruined.)

Finally it was 9:00 a.m. and time to head for the creek, where should would be immersed in the waters of holy baptism.

The minister was a tall, handsome young man. He placed his hand on Sally's head, said the Word of God, and pushed her under the water of the creek.

Sally's soul has been pure and clean ever since. Praise be to Jesus!

The Mushroom said...

Emily was just a little girl, and she wanted to stay that way for always. People thought she was a little 'different' for still dressing in pinafores and mary janes, dragging a stuffed animal with her everywhere, talking with a squeak and shy giggle, and preferring macaroni & cheese as meals when she was 30. Her family and closest friends assured others that she wasn't born mentally challenged and hadn't been a victim of either a brain injury or early onset of senile demensia. She just enjoyed being a girl. There were few responsibilities beside cleaning one's plate and one's room, it was easier to be pleasant to the world and the shyness of a child came in handy when she didn't want to deal with others (though finding skirt-tails to hide behind was more difficult since she was over five feet tall), and unlike her agemates she was still polite. Strange looks aside, this was a winning formula for her. "Some people never know who they are," she said in a voice that Lily Tomlin's 'Edith Ann' character would be envious of, "and can't be that person if they did know. I'm lucky... I know who I want to be, and I'm me."

Her little girl personna also served another benefit: other people thought she was incapable of thinking or acting in an adult manner, so they never suspected that she was quite the hit with the folks at the club downtown. They never knew she got out of her four-poster single bed with My Little Pony sheets around 11pm (having gone to bed at 8:00pm as obedient little girls should) three nights a week, snuck over the club with her friends Dressie Bessie and Dapper Dan who would pick her up at the corner, and meet up with other adult children. Sometimes she'd hook up with little boys in their 20's wearing knickerbockers and Dippity-Doo curls, inevitably named Timmy, who wanted a playmate to play house or doctor with; sometimes she'd meet a kind but stern teacher, parent, or uncle that would discipline and educate her, or at the very least help her take a bubble bath and be sure that she cleaned behind her ears. She'd be back home in her own bed by 5am, and wake happy but groggy and ready for another tea party after 9am.

Everyone she played with at the club agreed she was sugar and spice and everything nice, just like the people she saw during the day believed, but those few she'd lifted the crinolines over her head for in fits of girlish embarassment knew the most prominent of those three ingredients was spice.

Cooper said...

He took her into the woods behind the house. It had taken him awhile to get her there but finally, figuring out her love for the panda he suggested a panda theme and she agreed. She looked forward to the afternoon and hoped this shoot would help her get a job as the next Dove oversized model. She would agree to some nudity and in return she would get some photos, for her portfolio from one of the world’s greatest photographers. She felt clever and her intuition told her this was going to lead to her big break. He felt anticipatory and dead inside at the same time
When they arrived in the wooded area, where he usually took his pictures and he gave her the faux panda she immediately felt comfortable. This was the first shot her took; she looked so content almost like a child; she was going for coy but didn’t quite get the look she wanted as she looks slightly insane here. Unfortunately for her or not she was not clever enough and her intuition appears to have failed her and although she looked insane it was indeed he whose insanity had taken over on this day. This is the last picture of her or at least the latest dated picture of her we can find: there may be more but this is the only one left behind.

No Body No Crime, is that not what they say?

C'est la Vie!

princessdominique said...

I love all of the stories!!!!

Anonymous said...

On the morning of Sally's baptism, they didn't know that the minister was drunk. He began screaming prayers as he held Sally's head under the water in spite of her kicking and flailing arms. The rescue squad revived her, but because of the lack of oxygen she was brain damaged for life and walked around in s daze carrying her stuffed Panda Bear and she religiously read the Pansi Files everyday! She then started her own blog and call it "I wish I was a Little Bar of Soap".

Mikki Marshall said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Mikki Marshall said...

she had been a girl of great potential

she had lived the life of a fairy tale
of formal balls and crystal shoes
but her life has turned to tragedy
and alas she's second hand news

thrown violently from the graces
of those who once adored
in fits of anger they erupted
don't come back you filthy whore

now you find her wandering
the woods and lacking aim
where once she held her head highly
she now shies and bows it in shame

and it's a pity really
she had been a girl of such great potential

Mikki Marshall said...

so sorry for the deletion...i don't know what the devil got into me!

Jamie Dawn said...

Love the stories!

The Devil's story is wicked!

We just returned from a long weekend trip. My mind is mush (no reference to Mushroom), so I can't think of anything.

The Mushroom said...

Too bad your mind is not this Mush -- I could use a vacation. :)

Indeterminacy said...

This has been the best set of stories yet (with the probably exception of mine)! I'm really happy.

Mrs. Weirsdo: It's cool that you did Alice, too. At first I didn't see Alice at all, but my muse suggested the similarity to me, and then I wondered if anyone else would pick up on it. The story is great!

Sister Soap: Even though we probably won't see each other in the next world, if your right about the status of my soul, I'm still glad you chose to cast your pearls here among us.

Mushroom: This is kind of my first impression of the picture, a little girl who didn't want to grow up. There's something sentimental about the look in her eyes. by the way, there's a spice museum just around the corner from where I work. It's a place to just close your eyes and breath.

Alice: Love the undertones in your story. It's funny how everyone is picking up on the teddy bear as a panda, which it is. I never even noticed that.

Princess Dominique: I'm glad you stopped by. How are things going? I owe you a couple of e-mails. My correspondence situation is still in a skid. Wanted to let you know your book "The Hamptons" was enjoyed by the recipient.

Mr. Devil: I'm not sure what will happen if I praise you too much, but that story was wicked. You live up to your reputation. If we're all going to burn, at least it will be fun.

Still Life: I read in your poem a sad story of double morality and the hurt it causes. It's great that you've enriched this series of stories with a contribution in lyric form. I don't think you've been here before. I hope you have time to stop by again.

Jamie & Mushroom: I felt like my mind was on vacation as I tried to write my story.

LiVEwiRe said...

I'm still enjoying the business card reading 'Theodore'.

Courtney said...

I actually enjoyed your Alice story. Being a fan of Alice in Wonderland and cookies myself, I thought it was pretty good. It would have been better with Pirates. All stories are better with Pirates. Arrrr.

I missed reading your stories. I've got a lot to catch up on.

Indeterminacy said...

Livewire: I'm glad there was something to enjoy.

Courtney: Thanks for telling me that. I didn't feel comfortable writing this because I haven't yet read the Alice in Wonderland, although I want to. I've heard that the book turns all logic around, so I tried to turn it back again, but in a skewed kind of way.