Friday, May 27, 2005
Martin and Gregor were two good Catholic boys, that is, until they chanced by the decadent window display with the life-sized, sophisticated Barbies. Unfortunately they noticed the wink. That was the beginning of their moral decline into a dead-end depravity. Up to that point they had been of the respective opinion that they would wait until well after marriage before lying with a member of the opposite sex.
"I might wait a few years after the honeymoon," Martin said. "I don't want to rush into something I don't understand."
"But it isn't sex if you lie with a Barbie," Gregor argued, planting a seed in both their fertile minds.
"When you put it that way... Hmmm, one of those might make a nice replacement for my teddy bear," Martin pondered out loud.
"And the cool thing is," Gregor went on, "we wouldn't have to go to confession about it. Because they have no souls."
"That settles me. So, which one do you want, Greg?" Martin asked his friend while considering the permutations of possibilities associated with each of the two selections.
Gregor had already decided: "I want the one with the mask. My sister has a Barbie like that."
They walked into the store, visions of inanimate splendor coaxing them forward. The storekeeper watched them suspiciously out of the corner of one eye as they approached. Upon seeing their ID, he flew into a rage. "Get out of my shop," he sputtered severely. "You're too young to buy those! Go sleep with a real girl your own age!"