Monday, June 20, 2005
"You're still not getting it!" the director hurled at his rehearsing players.
"What did we do wrong this time?" the boy pondered.
"Are we to play it in mime?" the girl wondered.
The director sighed. "I'll repeat it again if you're lost: This is Theater of the Absurd. You must avoid meaning at every cost."
"You gave us Shakespeare to read," said she, "and told us to use the soliloquy."
"We have no budget for modern scripts, and these may be used without royalty. I ask only that you state the reverse of what you read, so that we might add absurdity. Begin again, please, at the scene where Hamlet confronts Juliet."
Hamlet: Anarchy or decadence? Answer thou this question.
Juliet: O Romeo, Romeo, there art thou!
Hamlet: 'Tis better to have pleasure by slings and cuffs, than watch the Wheel of Fortune.
Juliet: Deny thy father came thus to me? Oh what was his name? I dared not refuse him. But it was not love, I swear it.
Hamlet: I'll take his wooden arms and trouble him to spring in the sea to his unopposed end.
Juliet: I have some capsules I long to take. 'Tis said one forgets one's own name.
Hamlet: To sleep, to sleep with thee evermore, by sleep mean I that pleasure of a thousand throbbings of the flesh. Ah, thy natural hair!
Juliet: Take thou thyself, through masturbation. Wilt thou masturbate?
Hamlet: 'Tis a consummation devoutly to avoid.
Juliet: With thy hand afoot, no arm nor face of mine thou need. Or belong to a man, a name of thy choosing.
Hamlet: To sleep with thee, perchance was but a dream: may that thou would rub me.
Juliet: To thee 'tis all the same. Take my friend Rose. She smells as sweet as I.
"No! No! No!" the director lamented loudly, throwing his arms in the air.
"What's wrong now?" the boy and girl asked as one.
"It's good," the director told them, catching his falling arms, "but it's making too much sense. Let's go instead with a new concept. Girl, you be Othello, and boy, you play Little Richard. Stagehand! Bring out the piano and the horse."
"This is absurd!! Of concepts completely unheard!!" the boy and girl responded in verse.
"Act!" barked the director, "Art must not be deterred!"
I'm posting my version a little early. Anyone else wishing to contribute a story to the picture, please feel free to do so. Thanks everyone who wrote something. Again, it feels like it's my birthday, with all the great stories you shared with me.
For another round robin story writing, check out Michael's blog: http://blogin_idiot.blogspot.com