Thursday, June 16, 2005


Captain Max of the Metaphysical Murder Commission was investigating the crime scene. The tearful girl who had called him was quite beside herself. "My dolly's been murdered. Can you help?"

"Was the murder metaphysical?" his standard response ran.

"Yes, I think so," she sniffed, going from crying to confused.

"I'll help."

Via psychic metalink to the cell phone built into everyone's brain these days it was an easy matter for Max to press forward into the murderer's thoughts, while enjoying an Irish coffee at his desk. At the scene of the crime Max examined the jumbled thoughts closely. Yes, he'd seen this hundreds of times before. He doublechecked in his Handbook of Dream Symbology - standard department issue - just to be sure. The mutilated doll was a poignant sight for his hard-boiled eyes, especially since he'd felt like twisting one apart himself on more than one occasion. He kept that detail out of his report, though. The tie lying underneath, now that was obvious. And the die, well, love is a risky business, when you're just starting out. When the girl stopped by to see Max, he knew just what to say.

"You've grown up, haven't you?"

"What do you mean?" she coyed.

"You've kissed a boy."

The girl blushed. The kiss had definitely happened.

Max poured on all the charm he could muster. This was, after all, a girl who kissed. "Look, I know what happened. You're not a little girl anymore. You've discovered boys in such a whirlwind manner that your toys, well, they just self destructed."

Story #237

Note from Indeterminacy: Thanks to Ariel for donating the photo!

15 comments:

A Little Bar of Soap said...

More sin from indeterminacy, I see. By the way, I would never have watched a show with Satanic undertones such as "Dark Shadows"!

Doug said...

I love it. Pansi Noir.

The Mushroom said...

I want to be the girl with the most cake
I love it so much it just turns to hate
I fake it so true, I am beyond fake
and someday, you will ache like I ache

-- "Doll Parts", Hole

carrie said...

that's a totally rad picture and the story is good to wash it down

weirsdo said...

Good "story," Mr. Indecency, but not good enough to fool STUPID. You obviously staged that crime scene yourself, and concocted that cockamamie story to cover your hienousness!!!!! Mrs. Weirsdo as good as told us you were a doll cereal killer!!!!!!!

fluff said...

good story, elegant.

"/*

fluff said...

(sorry, was just wondering whether pushing those three buttons leads into "mush" indeed, well, obviously it doesn't.)

Indeterminacy said...

I didn't think anyone would like this story, but now it makes my day that everyone did seem to enjoy it.

Little Bar of Soap: You make a subtle point, calling the story a sin, but not stating whether or not the sin was enjoyable for you. Since we know you are under commandment not to lie, you must have had a great time with this, perhaps thinking over some of your own experiences. I give credit for not being a hypocrite.

Doug: You sure know how to put two words together. I do enjoy film noir, but never thought I knew enough about it to write in that style, and I wasn't consciously trying to here. I actually wasn't satisfied with this one because I thought it might be too dark.

Mushroom: Sounds like something Pansi might say.

Carrie: Thanks for stopping by. Pansi should really check out your current post. I think this is the first time I saw anything Barbie-like with navel piercings. You have some great photography at your blog.

Pansi: You should be more open-minded. It's not a crime to mutilate Barbie dolls.

Ariel: I'm humbled. Without your photo there wouldn't have been a story.

Tom & Icy said...

That was great. Seems you just keep getting better even though the others are so memorable. I often find myself thinking about you wrote months ago. Amazing talent! Thanks for writing and sharing it.

Indeterminacy said...

Tom & Icy: I don't know how to put into words that I'm speechless. From my subjective point of view my style hasn't changed at all.
I'm writing the same way as when I began. Only difference might be that some of the stories now are a bit longer than when I started out. I still think the best posts are the ones that capture something succint in one paragraph.

It sure does mean a lot to me when creative bloggers such as yourself take notice of what I'm doing. On the other hand, I hope you weren't implying you might sue me because you can't forget my stories.

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Good one. I enjoyed it a lot.

You didn't think we'd like it, but since we do, are you saying that we have no taste?

Indeterminacy said...

Lucy: If you all say the stories are good, I'll accept it. But sometimes I think I could have done better, and that's something that none of you have insight to.

Doug said...

Indie, I sure understand that nagging suspicion that you should have done better. I get that all the time and sometimes I think I was brilliant and get comments saying, in essence, "huh?" I can only imagine what my life would be like if I wrote more than a sentence or two per day. To my mind your writing is remarkably consistently good, although #234 absolutely stands out.

Cori said...

I had a Cher doll when I was a prepube. She was taller than my barbies and had doll hair that flowed to her waist. I shaved it off.

I just wanted to tell you that.

*tapping finger on table waiting for next story*

weirsdo said...

Mr. Indecency,
It is where I come from, buddy!!!!!!!