Few people have not heard of the eminent German psychologist Dr. Heinrich Holzschnitt and his seminal research on human social interaction with furniture and larger household appliances. Since fleeing Germany in 1933, chased by a Gestapo agent swinging a kitchen chair at him, he had devoted his life to research in this heretofore little known but vitally important field. During the course of his career he brilliantly demonstrated how wobbly tables and refrigerators which constantly spoiled the milk could provoke the most violent of human aggressive responses. In one classic experiment subjects willingly set fire to a sofa which failed to match the room decor, when told to do so by a peer. Dr. Holzschnitt's theory of the innate human tendency of violence towards furniture was once again shown to be correct during a simple parlor game of Simon Says. "Simon says touch your nose." The players all did. "Simon says wiggle your left foot." They all did. "Carry everything outside and smash it." Before anyone realized the caller had neglected to say "Simon says," the damage had already been done.

Story #14