Wednesday, August 09, 2006

The Ghost of the Cabouse


One night the staition master went to check the cabouse because he heard some noises. When he got there the door was locked, then he heard a loud noise. And then the door was unlocked. He went in and then the door locked itself. And the train started with no driver. Then the cabos whent off a cliff and fell on a ledge. Then a man was hicking by the tracks. Finilly he managed too look down and he saw the cabouse. He got a rope and climed down and went in the cabous. And then the door locked. He heard noises behind him slowly he turned around and all he saw was two shadows one was his and the other one looked like the staition masters shadow, He looked up and he saw a ghost. It had a knife and the ghost was about to stab him he coughldn't run he was scared stiff. But then he remembered if you close your eyes a ghost can't hurt you so he did so and when he opened his eyes he was back on the train track.

The End ........

--------------------------------------------------------
Note: Looking through some boxes the other week I found a rare cache of stories I'd written when I was eleven and in the fifth grade (1973), my first stories ever. They are bound in a manila folder, handwritten in pencil and accompanied by their own illustrations: "The Story Book of Trils and Chills + Excitment." My intention was to write my own book of short stories, but I stopped after nine of them, though I listed several titles more that I never got to. I recall it being too hard to think up what should happen. So now you see what a talented prodigy I was as a child. Early Indeterminacy. Visionary experiments in short prose combined with illustrations. Actually, there may be no way to do damage control on this. I thought of claiming I was seven when I wrote these, but that would only be lying to myself. Should I post more of these?

19 comments:

Doug said...

Please post more of this. I kept going back and forth between seeing the eleven-year old and the proto-Indie. It's really interesting.

Indeterminacy said...

Looks like you've sealed everyone's fate Doug. I hope they will appreciate that. I've finished typing in all nine of them.

Pansi might actually enjoy these stories - they're almost written in her language.

The Mushroom said...

The amazing part is that you still have that box of goodies. I was never able to keep anything more than a couple years before my mother intruded.

cooper said...

I thought it was a current day post and thought it brilliant.


Keep doing it.

Indeterminacy said...

Cooper: This is probably the nicest compliment I got for a story yet. Thank you. If I were 11 years old again would you take me to Coney Island?

Interestingly enough, this story reminds me of a story by Robert Sheckley "Ghost V" which I of course did not know about then. It's brilliant and hilarious and the ending picks up on some elemental ideas that children have. I actually found the text online, and highly recommend it:

"Ghost V" by Robert Sheckley

Next week I will post three more of these stories. Together they represent a hybrid writing style that might be called something like "stream of reality" - a bit like stream-of-consciousness, but so far ahead of its time that it still hasn't caught on.

Indeterminacy said...

Mush: I don't have everything from back then - but I've schlepped boxes with me all around the world. Really have to do something about all those boxes.

Cocaine Jesus said...

will have to see if i can dig out some of my old stuff. it makes for interesting reading especially if you compare the then to now.

Doug said...

"If I were 11 years old again would you take me to Coney Island"

All of Hemingway's novels, Ovid's verses and Shakespeare's plays were written in the hope of coining that line.

Literature can end now.

Batul said...

Look forward to reading more from the 11 year old. Delightful.

Indeterminacy said...

Cocaine Jesus: At first when I rediscovered these stories I thought "Oh my God, is that the best I could do?" - I'm sure most 11 year olds I've met have been brighter and more creative than I was at that age. But now this is starting to intrigue me too, comparing then to now. It's the same basic mind writing the stories then as now, but how much of an influence is all that which came in the years between then and now, and how much of my stories today is that 11 year old kid. I hope I've started a trend and everyone will start looking through their old boxes.

Doug: Now I really don't know what to say. Think how much greater Hemingway, Ovid and Shakespeare could have been with Cooper around to inspire them. Literature can end, but you go on blogging, ok?

Batul: Thank you for the compliment. I will post all the stories over the next weeks. And I'm thinking, just for fun, to repost these one by one at a completely new blog with no clue as to identity, just to see what happens.

viruswitch said...

At first I thought this was a normal story you wrote but I thought you made a few typos. Then I found out you wrote that at the age of 11! Wow! It sounds a bit like a dream and it has a lot of action. The indeterminacy personality clearly shows through the story I think. And I find this amazing.

Indeterminacy said...

Viruswitch: It's fascinating to learn how you perceived the story. Also, I thought I had changed more in 30 odd years, but then I don't really have an objective view of myself, and certainly not how I was as a child. Who does?

viruswitch said...

Hehehe, or I just read what I was expecting ;). How many indie fans, found out immediately that this was not a normal story?

And a rant: children know and can do, much more than we think. And I feel our society is not giving children chances, right motivation and promotion to develope their (extraordinary) abilities.

Indeterminacy said...

Virustwitch: You're right about kids. Also, my own son can do more at the age of 9 than I could at 11.

I was going to post the description first, but then I changed my mind and put it below. I wanted the drawing to be on top. Now I see it has taken a lot of people by surprise. But I like it that way ;-)

weirsdo said...

Your kid writing is way more appealing than mine, which was moralistic and pretentious, like the fable I did about the Cold War, which I really didn't know much about. Thank God I found comedy.

Blage said...

Have been going through so many of same boxes, stories I wrote, some my son wrote a book given to my mother in the first grade etc.. Mine usually involved the mayhem of mentally ill people escaping from asylums or demented clowns. My art much more uplifting.

Indeterminacy said...

Mrs. Weirsdo: I'd like to read what you wrote then - you probably are misjudging yourself. There's something about the idea of not being afraid to use humor in your writing. One thing that probably kept me from writing so long is I felt I should write something serious / straight narratives.

Blage: Your stories sound really interesting, the clowns Twilight Zonish. I'm hoping these couple of posts of mine will start a trend.

weirsdo said...

I liked the Sheckley story. There is a similar episode in C. S. Lewis' THE VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER. I saw the blanket thing coming, though. That was always my defense.

Indeterminacy said...

Mrs. Weirsdo: You're pretty good if you saw that coming. Sheckley is very hard to outguess.