Monday, February 13, 2006

As the darkness reached its midnight crescendo she sauntered over to him, her wants, her needs driving her. He'd stood there in a giddy daze following the creative exertion, spiritually spent, without a single thought of her, but her shuffling feet alerted him, drew him to awareness after the long weeks of tinkering. The sight of her brought memory. He drew the loaded stapler from his pocket and turned to meet her looking up at him. Amazing how inductive she was, that she knew to come to him. Fortunately it was dark and no one would see. What an odd sight to explain, if anyone did happen to catch a glimpse. The stapler neared her lips and she felt - if she could be assumed to feel anything - a metallic ecstasy. That girl he'd made out of paper clips and plasticine had an insatiable appetite for staples.

Story #333

The story contributions have been reposted at Thanks for an entertaining weekend!


Anonymous said...

Khimerinaush: "Will you still love me for the rest of my life?"

Lactoscious: "Coz I can't go on...Coz I can't go on..."

K: You know the song eh?

L: Yes. My beautiful girl.

K: I'm a man.

L: Yes. My beautiful man.

K: ...

L: You must be wondering.

K: ...

L: I was born with this contagious disease. It's called stapler-on-your-nose-is.

K: ...

L: You get this by holding the mid portion. It's a lifelong thing.

K: ...

L: Will YOU still love me even with this thing on my nose?

K: ...

L: How will you kiss me? Will you be embarrased to have me around?

K: ...(He touches it in the mid portion)

L: ...(Surprised)

K: ...(He then brushes his infected hands on his nose)

L: I love you too.

The Mushroom said...

Pedro finally found a way to fulfill two dreams: hers of having facial piercings, his of her not talking incessantly. Unfortunately the dream fell apart when she muttered nonstop about the lackluster Swingline 'jewelry'.

Jamie Dawn said...

It's all the rage! The new staple challenge is replacing that horrible choking game that kids keep doing.
Gwen said she was willing to play if Kevin would.
"I'm willing to let you staple me three times."
Kevin agreed to allow her to staple him three times in return.
Kevin stapled her left eyebrow, her little love handle, and her upper lip.
Gwen didn't even flinch, but Kevin did when Gwen asked him to drop his pants.

Unknown said...

OK, calling her "99" was cute and the "would you believe..." jokes were funny sometimes but if he asks her to speak into more standard household/office/commercial-object phone she was going to go KAOS on him big-time.

Mikki Marshall said...

She: (nervous giggle) are you sure? Do you promise that there are not any staples inside of there...

He: I PROMISE, it's just for the video. Hold still.

Unknown said...

Still Life, she's about to have her after, isn't she?

Sar said...

Pouncing on the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone, James was more than willing to assist his incessant babbling girlfriend Heather achieve her dream of swollen Angelina Jolie lips.

Jamie Dawn said...

Sar: Jolie lips! Ha, ha,! OUCH!

There are some clever stories this weekend.
I wonder what Indie will come up with?

The Mushroom said...

Doug (and Jamie): Missed by that much. Chief? Chief?

Paco's Piercing, While-U-Wait

Miles to go said...

“Q” this combination stapler, flashlight and tongue depressor can diagnose her problems, yes! But is there another option to sew up her wounded words? This stapler is a bit crude!”

“I am disappointed and confused that you only see the obvious Jaime! I am man of nuance. Turn it sideways and you’ll see the beautiful mechanism that allows you to dial in the appropriate stitches. Turn it on and truncate the embarrassing and life threatening sentences. For instance:

This girl’s many variations of communication can make it very difficult for you in the field. For capturing and returning errant sentences before ear shot, I recommend the Catchstitch as it is lightning quick and also a strong and capable stitch. Then again for hemming and hawing I recommend the Hemming stitch for those moments of indecision. It really prods for her to use the declarative sentence. To pre-empt the tawdry word from slipping out her mouth -use the Slip stitch. This stitch is wonderful for those discreet moments and it is very effective during that tense emotional situation where quiet is necessary. If “running at the mouth” is a concern-the Running stitch seamlessly gathers and fastens a diatribe very quickly. Finally for that overwhelming and boring monologue – Over sewing stitch is the best way to neaten the raw edges of mouth so you actually can hear the important things in her message.”

Clublint said...

She wanted to touch the tip of her tongue to the end of her nose.

He told her this was the best way.

She believed him.

Indeterminacy said...

About the coolest thing in the world is to read through all the stories you guys write over the weekends. It was great this time, too.

Taorist: You're dialogues are intriguing, as always. I thought this one was wonderful - beats mine hands down. Or is it noses down?

Mushroom: I thought of doing something with piercings but then I couldn't think of anything that seemed interesting. Glad you succeeded.

Jamie: You are as wicked as ever. I would advise Mr. Dawn to hide all the staplers in the house. This one made me laugh.

Doug: Let's you and me get a petition going to bring back Get Smart. We can send them your story, too.

Still Life: That is so naughty it works. Didn't expect such a short story to have such an erotic affect.

Sar: Ouch!

Miles to Go: I think your story is the most complex of them all. It bears repeated reading. I liked this idea, too.

Deb: Leave it to you to find a simple and elegant solution to the picture. Had to laugh here, too.

My first idea for a story was this girl who can't keep a secret, so she has her mouth stapled shut, only it doesn't do any good because she knows sign language. I think I could have posted a better story. This was easier for all of you to write than it was for me. I didn't have it until last night.

Next story will be tomorrow! I actually finished a story on time!

-G.D. said...

i knew some day, some man would make those.

bloody bastards...

Jamie Dawn said...

Indie: So, you're saying that Paper Clip Girl loves to eat staples? I'm sure they are calorie-free and are all roughage.

Indeterminacy said...

G.D.: It is pretty brutal. I think if he gets tired of her he just has to take out a staple remover.

Jamie Dawn (& G.D.:): Of course she knows how to take care of herself, too. The thing about office-supply life is not to get close to her when she has the paper cutter on hand. One chop is the kind of thing that could change a guy's outlook for the duration.

Anonymous said...

I too award Miles to Go the prize this week. I thought this one was hard too, Indie. All I could think of was the stapling her mouth shut to get her to shut up thing, but then why was he smiling so good-humoredly?