Monday, December 19, 2005

The siege continued into countless starweeks. It was becoming desperate. Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and Scotty were locked in the bridge with Uhura, Nurse Chapel and Chekov, cowering in fear of the Alien Cliché roaming the decks of the Enterprise. Cabin fever and delirium had set in. Kirk kept pounding his fist on the console, shouting "This is my ship!" McCoy would blurt out "I'm a doctor, not a mechanic!" seemingly in no connection with anything relevant. Scotty was babbling on about the engines and Spock kept trying to wiggle his ears. Nurse Chapel quivered while Chekov stuttered passages of Tolstoy at her, and Uhuru sang nursery rhymes to Starfleet Command.

This was all preceded by the surprising arrival of the Cliché Alien right in the middle of Kirk's cabin. She had green eyes and olive-green skin, and antennas sprouting from her head. At first Kirk looked forward to some noncommittal kissing and petting, but then she began toning "I love you forever" with her sultry, spaced-out voice. He fled through the ship. Sulu, trying to protect his captain, barred her way, but she threw a kiss, vaporizing him into a green gas which she then inhaled. After 79 episodes of the original series, 178 of The Next Generation, and 98 of Enterprise, not to recall the forgettable Deep Space Nine and Voyager, 348 episodes in all, and ten movies, there were no options left. That's when the officers retreated to the bridge and locked themselves in. The Cliché Alien roamed the decks rattling off dialogue from badly dubbed Bollywood films.

Somewhere the good spirit of Gene Roddenberry observed all this and decided to intervene. He selected two girls from the planet Chaos-IV and beamed them across the galaxy onto the Enterprise. They took up their positions in one of the corridors, biding their time, waiting for the predictable appearance of the Cliché Alien. She approached them, arms outstretched, ready to initiate a tongue kiss. But it didn't come as she expected. In the moment before lips touched lips, the girls whipped out their erasers and rubbed the alien away. In her place stood Sulu, alive again and gracious recipient of their tongue caresses.

Story #322

Original post: This photo for the weekend stories was prompted by Viruswitch's comment, "Beam me up scotty :D." So I dug up the photo that I've had here for a while that always suggested to me a corridor in the Starship Enterprise. So write Star Trek stories, if you can think of any, otherwise write what you can think of. I'll post my story late Monday. Enjoy the weekend. All story contributions have been reposted at P.S. I posted Friday's story rather late, so if you missed it, it's right under this post.


Unknown said...

The labyrinth was long. Sara and Analisa met just inside the entrance.
"How did we get here?" Sara asked.
"I don't know either," Analisa answered.
"Me either, it's funny the last thing I remember I was with my boyfriend, Jason, he's so cute. We met at a rave for the football team and cheerleading squad. He doesn't even dye his hair. It's that black!..."
"Maybe we should walk along this corridor a while and see where it goes."
The pair started walking and by the third step, Sara offered "My ex-boyfriend, Johnny? What a dork. I'm totally over him. He was my boyfriend last summer before I met Jason. Thank god for small favors, you know? Johnny and me went to this movie once it was, like, totally freaky. You know, sci-fi or something? Whatever. These people were all running up and down corridors like this one? I mean, totally. It was like 'boop-boop intruder-alert! Intruder alert!" and they would run around with lazer guns and stuff acting all serious and everything, do you think we'll find like people with lazer guns in here?"
Analisa prayed that this was Logan's Run and not No Exit.

admin said...

Kira is discussing loudly with "Seven of Nine" in the middle of a spaceship-corridor.

"Astrometric officer, this doesnt look like the "Voyager" corridor!"

"Correct, officer Kira, the spaceship looks ancient and abandonded. Even Deep space 9 is out of the question."

"Great, Kes chose the wrong time-space-continuum to beam us into. What are we going to do now?"

"I dont know. Lets just figure out the currect stardate anyway. There must be some kind of indication somewhere around here!"

"You know, this could be the "Enterprize". Just look at these ugly walls, dont they remind you something from the culture of the earth?"

"Your Bajoran intelligence astonishes me Kira, but I have served on the Enterprize, and this surely doesnt look like it. Where the hell is Earth anyway?"

"Oh well, forget it, we werent even born when they destroyed it."

"I am hearing steps, a hologram is coming. I will inquire the exact galaxial location!"

"Computer! Name our coordinates. "

"What? Who are you? Are you talking to me?"

"Computer, where are we?"

"In the subway, silly! Now let me catch my train... God, this earth is filled with lunatics."

The two officers stare at each other speechless when the beeper rings:
(voice from Kiras headset)
BEEP BEEP: officer Kira, this is Captain Janeway. I am beaming you up. ENERGY!!!

lula said...

I didn't make a story about space and all that, but I just wanted to write about the new job Doug gave me in his office! He's such a sweet guy!
My story is here

Unknown said...

Haha, Lula. You know we don't allow denim.

The Mushroom said...

Try as the young duo Blue Bayou tried, they could never match the success or look of Linda Ronstadt's Living In The USA album.

Sar said...

(Hmmm, I just posted a comment but it didn't seem to take. I'll try again)

"Captain, I'm picking up a disturbance on Level 5", Spock dutifuly relayed to Captain Kirk.

"Yes, I see. Tell me, Mr. Spock, what do you make of these intruders?" Captain Kirk inquired.

Spock evenly replied, "According to my tri-corder readings, it would appear they are rebellious mineral fowl descendants."

"Oh," said Captain Kirk. "You mean they're punk rock chicks."

Anonymous said...

Once the evil aliens known only as "P. S. 13," had infiltrated the ship's controls they were able to cause the entire crew to revert to adolescence, with disastrous results.
One of the first casualties was Deanna Troy, who pretended not to notice Picard, the handsome captain of the football team. She had never thought of him "that way" before, but now that he had hair again she was eaten up with jealousy of that witch, Beverly Crusher.
And although his android design rendered him immune to P. S. 13's dastardly bionic viral probes, even Commander Data could not escape their effects entirely. In the new, hormonally charged atmosphere, his circuits became clogged, and he was just barely equal to handing out suspensions to Warf, who kept trying to smuggle weapons into the "school."
Indeed all might have been lost, had not Lieutenant Riker, in his last few moments before acne claimed his once handsome features, created an unstoppable counterforce on the Holodeck. Fearlessly, the concerned parent brigade made their way to engineering, where they put the aliens to flight with threats of lawsuits and heavy damages. The parents then took over the controls themselves.
Captain's log, Stardate who cares? This is Liutenant Riker. I said I would do this for Picard, because he is just too "busy" dating two chicks at once. That guy really has it going on. I don't think being in ROTC is helping me at all!
Anyway, we are all SO bummed! We can't believe the parents took over OUR school! And they locked us out of the Holodeck! AND they said we're all going to be grounded! For no reason at all they are going to land this thing and make us all get therapy or something. This is so crazy and unfair.
Gotta go. There's a wild party on tonight, cuz the parents are all going to be at the PTA. The guys forgot to invite me, but I happen to know Warf is planning to go and make some trouble, and maybe I can crash it then and get cozy with D. T. while Warf keeps Picard busy. She is so hot! I wonder if it's true Empaths are better?
So wish me luck. I'm gonna boldly go where no man has gone before (well, o. k., maybe Picard).

Indeterminacy said...

I see this has been a piece of cake for everyone except me. Thinking of something new to write about Star Trek is very hard to do. I'll post my story tonight, or admit defeat. Whatever happens I can't lose, because I at least have your stories to read.

Unknown said...

Haha, Sar and Weirsdo.

Anonymous said...

Doug: Likewise. You do the adolescent dialog so well, and you don't even live with one.

Indeterminacy said...

I just spent some enjoyable minutes reading your stories. If you ask me, this is the best set of stories yet! Each one seems fresh and new and brilliant to me, as well as being am entertaining read. My story is in the first draft by now and my muse says there are some great lines in it. But I thought there should be more dialogue (there's almost none). At least the rest of you have compensated for this. I'm going to sleep on my text for a half hour or so, polish it, and then post it and be glad that I finally got it behind me. Don't know why this was so hard to write - I'm one of the first generation Trekkies.

Enemy of the Republic said...

Oh boy, oh boy, I want to do this! But one more day of grading and another of drinking to forget this damn semester. Then I will come up with a good one.

admin said...

Practice makes perfect ;) we should be graduating from your blog soon, as the professional weekend-story photo-bloggies. :D

I liked the Star Trek script, it even creates appetite for more!

Indeterminacy said...

You may graduate, but please stay on as alumni!

Unknown said...

Well done, Indie. Your story reminded me of the opportunity we all missed. I call do-overs.

The goths on-board the Enterprise were the first sign that things were different in Starfleet Command. Soon, Nurse Chapel filed a sexual harassment complaint against Bones. He never touches me, she argued on the 1066sx form, he just leers and makes dry double-entendres. If he'd either fish or cut bait, I'd be happy.

Soon Uhuru and the Captain didn't need malicious telekinesis to kiss but couldn't keep their hands of each other and Chekov was chasing everything in a skirt and catching more than a few.

The crew no longer wore the same unisex clothes but broke into fashion cliques, with tight dresses and open collars the norm in some circles and demure sweaters and polo shirts gaining popularity in others.

There were goths and gangstas, men in leather and women in denim. All looking for action around every mote in God's sky. Nothing on the Enterprise was ever the same after the mission to Beta Gemini, when Sulu finally came out.

Indeterminacy said...

Enemy of the Republic: I'm going to hold you to this veiled promise. You have to come back here after your hangover has faded, with a story!

Doug: I thought it was cool how everyone picked up on different details. For example Sar saw the two as intruders - I never even thought of that. My first impression was an interstellar pizza delivery, deep beaming of pizzas anywhere in the galaxy. Except they're not carrying a pizza. Anyhow, I've been thinking of this picture for so long and kept drawing a blank. It's nothing like pressure and a deadline to bring out the worst in me.

Jamie Dawn said...

I didn't have a story this weekend.
Everyone did a good job coming up with something interesting about the pic.
Alien tongue caresses? Very interesting.

Indeterminacy said...

Jamie: You've contributed so many stories, you don't need to say a word about missing a weekend.

I've heard those tongue caresses can be very therapeutic.

A Little Bar of Soap said...

Star Trek is New Age filth. Devil, get thee OUT!

Anonymous said...

Well Done, everyone! I miss you all and would love to contribute but I'm in an internet coffeehouse in Amsterdam at this moment and my mind is, er a little hazy. I'd also love to call do-overs on this one. Mushroom, I loved your comment about the Linda Ronstadt Linin in the USA album! See you all next week when I'm back in the states! (This is Young at Heart in San Diego...the comments police won't accept my password, or else I'm not really sure what it is)

Indeterminacy said...

Hey Young at Heart! We're in the same time zone now. Just five minutes ago I stopped by your blog to see if you had posted anything new, and then your comment arrived. Is that synchronicity or what?

Enemy of the Republic said...


"Beam Me Up, Scottie. The Klingons are trying to eat Dr. McCoy and I alive," barked Captain Kirk.
"Ah, no boss," Scottie replied.
"No!" bellowed Kirk. "I am issuing a direct order!"
"Ah, but there's a new order, now. My order!" The voice of Lt. Spock was sinister and vile.
"Spock," yelled Kirk. "I command you to allow Scottie to beam us aboard the Enterprise.
"Sorry, boss" said Scottie. "But with Mr. Spock now in charge, we get dental and Saturday nights off."
"What?" yelled Kirk. "Spock, you are making unrealistic demands in order to carry out your evil plan?"
"Yes,Captain. It's a logical strategy. I suggest you try it out on the Klingons before they nibble your big toe."

The End

Enemy of the Republic said...

Oops. It's Dr. McCoy and me. Sorry about the shit grammar.

Indeterminacy said...

Enemy: Thanks for contributing your story! It's so funny! I will repost all of these at tomorrow, after I post my Christmas story.