Thursday, September 08, 2005


Steve lay quietly on the floor, pressed hard against the carpet. He inhaled and exhaled as inconspicuously as a conscious person is able. Perhaps fifteen minutes went by, perhaps an hour, when he noticed the mirror girls creeping up to the surface of the glass. He threw his entire concentration into the pretense of sleep. Squinting through quivering eyelids, he noticed them at play, tumbling over and under each other like impish squirrels, and with his ear discretely turned in their direction he heard their secretive whispers to one another. They were spying on him, waiting for him to reach that deep phase of sleep where dreams overwhelm the organism. Then they would roll through the mirror, surround him and whisk him away with them, back into the reflection. Now he waited, not daring to move, not daring to squint, for fear of fluttering an eyelid. Without a breath of warning he felt their fingers touching in synchronized choreography. He twisted away and lunged at the girls, hoping to capture at least one of them in a subduing embrace. But each of the nimble nymphs darted out of his reach and back into the other world. Overcome by the lost opportunity, Steve tried to follow them, face pressed against the cold glass, fists pounding on the unresponsive surface. But it was too late. He moaned his lament into the mirror while tears streamed down his cheeks: "You fiends," he cried, "give me back my brother!"

Story #277

10 comments:

Elli said...

What a beauty! It's amazing how you do it again and again. You always succeed in surprising me. I loved the "Oz-inspired" story, too, btw. It really reminds the poem.

Doug said...

That was fantastic and you faked me out too.

Jamie Dawn said...

And all the while I thought he liked them.
Good ending.

M.P. said...

His twin brother or his own reflection in the mirror?? Hope all is well with you in spite of being overworked!

Tom & Icy said...

That was a surprise. Good work. Love it.

Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

Again ending in an unpredictable direction. Nice Indie.

Indeterminacy said...

Elli: When I can't surprise anymore I guess I'll just stop. The stories I enjoy most are the ones that surprise me. I'm just imitating that.

Doug: I didn't see it coming myself, at first ;-)

Jamie: Don't start saying I told you he liked them. I'm completely innocent ;-)

M.P.: That is an interesting take on matters. Work is hectic, meaning I don't have as much time during lunch hour to work on blog things. We have company visiting us from Poland, and that forces me to entertain more, in place of working on stories, searching for photos.

Tom&Icy: Good dog. *virtual pets and cuddles*

Alice: Coming from one who went through the looking glass, that is truly a high compliment.

Cori said...

Ahhhhh! Classic Indie!

Anonymous said...

god, am i the only person who knows that dreams happen at the surface of sleep, not deep? man, if you want to convince the reader, know your shit...
this stuff reminds me of junior-high writing... why don't you just let it happen, stop trying so hard to be "unpredictable", to have that "surprise ending"...

Indeterminacy said...

Hi Anonymous, as a point of fact, you have it mixed up about the sleep phases. As for the second part, I enjoy receiving an opinion for a change that isn't all rosy, but without knowing more about your tastes in writing/literature, it's hard to know where you're coming from and what it's supposed to mean to me.