Friday, July 29, 2005

Stella and Starla paused and posed for the shoplifting camera. They had nothing to hide. They'd just come from the men's department, an innovative idea the store was trying out, where women could pick out a man most to their liking, complete with booths for quick kisses and sample layaways. The conditions were competitive: no money down, heterosexuality guarantee and if you applied for the store's credit card, twenty percent less fat. After trying nearly all the men on the racks, they wandered off to the ladies trinkets department. Not that they weren't satisfied with the men. These were girls who knew just what they wanted when they entered a shop, and never allowed themselves to be seduced by all the flashy offers one usually encountered while shopping. Stella selected a scarf and Starla took a cute headband. They planned on returning to the store next weekend, though they hadn't yet decided what it was they would buy. "I think I'll get a tie for my boyfriend," Stella speculated. "Oh yeah, me too," echoed Starla, "that's as good as anything."

Story #257


Jamie Dawn said...

I'm just wondering what those sample "lay"aways entail? Are those quickies?

Unknown said...

Indie, I haven't laughed that hard in a while.

Guess I'm cash-only.

Tom & Icy said...

But the girls seem to like each other than the guys. Amusing little ditty.

The Mushroom said...

Proof that females over age 14 have shopped at Claire's Accessories... but only once in the chain's history.

Tonight I was talking to an old friend who is, in a word, pathetic. For years she's been complaining about how she can't find a boyfriend. Recently she's been talking about this guy she met online but makes it very clear he only has one thing in mind. It's been bothersome enough how she keeps insisting she doesn't want to round the bases with him, but yet still took photos of herself for him wearing only the panties he bought for her on eBay (duh HUH?) and she'd promised him a favor best reserved for someone you've actually met in person before making such a pledge. So tonight she's complaining about how he's not in the chat program right now, spacing the fact that possibly he could have a life and have other things to do on a Saturday night than be on the computer, when some guy messages her pleasantly in regard to a personal ad she placed. She replied to him that her [nonexistant] "huge boyfriend would not approve" and pushed the Ignore button in the program. Er, I left my hip waders out in the shed, so I had to bail before I said something accurate yet most would deem unfriendly about one possible reason why she can't find a worthwhile man.

(Okay, so the above is more reminiscent of a Carol Lay cartoon about sphinxes complaining to each other about being alone yet asking trick questions of the men that come to meet them before devouring them that it does your picture and story -- but they're not entirely disjoint.)

And ladies... a tie is the wrong answer. A tie is for when you're married and when you're buried, when you're wed and when you're dead, and giving someone one is the opposite of Hallmark's slogan: when you don't care enough to give a worthwhile gift. (And no, Jamie, I don't own any ties. The one I was married in, uh, is wherever my wife put it.)

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