Thursday, July 21, 2005
Bruce was the only man in the world who understood women, a quality that made him quite popular among men, not to mention women. Mondays and Tuesdays he graciously set aside from his grueling routine of lovemaking to advise other men in the complex intricacies of getting along with their female: when to kiss, when to listen, when to immediately remove oneself to the safety of a barricaded basement. He knew it all. The grateful men did anything for his advice. They shined the shoes off his feet. They ironed his pants for him. They carried him around on his suavely-surfaced seduction sofa, while Bruce himself indicated the direction with a quick twist of the thumb. He should never have allowed the delegation from MAMAS (the Macho Man Society) into his house. When he gave the signal to put him down they dumped him from the sofa and slammed the weighty piece of furniture right down on top of him. Bruce wasn't good for business.