Thursday, July 21, 2005


Bruce was the only man in the world who understood women, a quality that made him quite popular among men, not to mention women. Mondays and Tuesdays he graciously set aside from his grueling routine of lovemaking to advise other men in the complex intricacies of getting along with their female: when to kiss, when to listen, when to immediately remove oneself to the safety of a barricaded basement. He knew it all. The grateful men did anything for his advice. They shined the shoes off his feet. They ironed his pants for him. They carried him around on his suavely-surfaced seduction sofa, while Bruce himself indicated the direction with a quick twist of the thumb. He should never have allowed the delegation from MAMAS (the Macho Man Society) into his house. When he gave the signal to put him down they dumped him from the sofa and slammed the weighty piece of furniture right down on top of him. Bruce wasn't good for business.

Story #252

10 comments:

Tina D. said...

Very nice - good to have you back Indie!

one said...

The "MAMAS"....LMAO!

Doug said...

Me too, G.D.

Tom & Icy said...

It was all a big front that Bruce was putting on because he was gay. That's why he understood women. And MAMA's are notoriously homophobic.

Jamie Dawn said...

Do guys like Bruce really exist?

weirsdo said...

Good story, but reminded me of a doll I saw in Walgreens. He was called "Mr. Wonderful," and if you punched him in the stomach he said things like, "Oh no, I don't need to watch the game, honey. Whatever YOU'D like, as long as we're watching together!"
I think men like this don't really get any, because women think they are wusses--and they are.

The Mushroom said...

Oddly enough, the MAMAS weren't getting laid. They thought Bruce was bad for business because his method worked while the MAMAS thought the way into a woman's pants was through the use of beer and football. Their caveman ways of getting girls translated into their caveman ways of getting revenge.

Fate being a cruel mistress, and the only mistress these guys would have, the MAMAS were convicted of aggrivated murder and eventually met people such brutish ways would score them sex with... albeit on the receiving end, emphasis on 'end', with their large tattooed cellmates.

The women in Bruce's life, meanwhile threw themseslves on his funeral pyre. The number of available women in that town dropped for a couple years, and there were a number of surprised widowers produced as well.

Indeterminacy said...

Tina: Thank you. I'm taking a bow just for you.

G.D. & Doug: When you two pick up you A's and put them back on, make sure you each got the right one.

Tom&Icy: I think gay people get al ong better with women because there no pressure about sex. But they have better sex with men because they understand the male body better. I'm quoting Seinfeld on this.

Jamie: Not anymore. They smashed him with the sofa.

Weirsdo: I agrees about the wusses. But I was careful not to explain how Bruce understood women, because to be honest, I don't know how he did it myself. Wish he was still around to ask.

Mush: In my experience, the girls will vehemently deride the machos, but invariably go into a relationship with one, at least all the girls I've lusted after who were never interested in me. As for Bruce, Girls may want to be understood, but I think sometimes the rough macho sex wins out. The trick is to combine the two.

Suzi said...

I loved that one!

fluff said...

you don't have to understand women (I am one and I often don't understand them!), if you can handle them that's enough. :-P

good story written very well, I loved it.