Wednesday, March 09, 2005


This would be an all-nighter. Programmer Frank and engineer Barnes were struggling to get the system working.

"This is the second brunette it's generated," stated Barnes in an irritated growl, "What's wrong with the friggin' thing?"
"Let me try a new parameter matrix with split radix primes," Frank replied, grasping at straws.
"That's how I got the broad with the dog on her lap," issued from Barnes' exasperated expression.

The Blondex 3200 was a complex and temperamental piece of equipment for the generation of easy-going, easy-to-handle, and most of all just plain easy blondes for modern mating purposes. But something had gone wrong. Now the girls it generated were complex and temperamental.

"Can't we just try something with these girls?" Frank interrupted Barnes who was typing desperately at the console.
"You try. They won't let anyone touch them. That girl with the long hair slapped me."
"What about the other one? I mean her dog has sort of blondish hair. Maybe she's gentler."
"She sicced the dog on me!"

Barnes clattered some more on the console, manipulated the system parameters then clicked the generation button. Both men waited expectantly. There was a zapping sound.

"We've lost the motherboard," Barnes said in a giving up tone of voice.
"Look, Barnes, this is going nowhere. But I have an idea."
"What?"
"How about we say some nice things to the girls. Take them out to dinner, dancing, conversation. You know, the way it used to be. And if they don't come around, well, maybe they're clever enough to help us get the Blondex working again."

Story #181

Thanks to Irma "Audra" Vep for the photo!

7 comments:

The Mushroom said...

Somewhere between "Weird Science" and "Real Genius", there's this pair's lair. Sure, they wanted it to be more like "Zapped!" than "Revenge of the Nerds" but you get what you can create on a budget.

At least they didn't get the nasty side effects of "Barbarella" (which is what Frank's statement about doing things the old way reminded me of). I hate it when that happens, when you have the hot girl right there but still don't see/get anything... but that would be "The Fifth Element."

Irma Vep said...

I LOVE IT! I can't stop laughing! You are a GENIUS! Thank you so much!

The Broad with the Dog on her Lap

Indeterminacy said...

Audra, you're much too kind. I'm glad you enjoyed your story. I don't know about the genius bit, but if you really think so, and you're not doing anything tonight...

...maybe you could write up a nomination as best blogger to the Nobel committee in Oslo. Of course if someone nominates Retarius I won't have a chance.

Jess said...

hehe glad you like the pics...i have a really cool one that i didn't put up of the guitar guy standing in the river (with guitar of course).
i'm still lovin' your stories!

deryke said...

clever clever post. i think back and still wonder to myself ... is the dog attached?

roachz said...

Bleach the dog

Abby Taylor said...

They should have bought a Mac.