Friday, March 11, 2005
Instructor: He's dead.
Trainee 1: Oh God, what'd you do to him.
Instructor: Only what was necessary. I have it down to a science.
Trainee 2: It's evil.
Instructor: It's lateral thinking: acupuncture, Kama Sutra and massage technique, a little of each. They give us a g-point. Guys have a d-circuit. But it's not easy to complete.
Trainee 1: Wish I'd been better in math.
Instructor: See, guys can't have multiple orgasms like we do. There's this protective mechanism, because the male heart can only stand so much. But nature gave us an override.
Trainee 2: How does it work?
Instructor: First of all bring him to the brink, and dangle him there.
Trainee 1: And then?
Instructor: Then there are these two nerves: one ends in his big toe, the other ends at the base of the skull. Read your acupuncture. So you're on him like a figure eight, if you get my drift. Usually it's pretty quick, and completely non-violent.
Trainee 1: Yeah, there's something humane about it, but it leaves such a mess afterwards.
Trainee 2: If they had black belts in love, they'd surely give you one.
Instructor: All right. Enough digressing. Put out your cigarettes and let the taxidermy lesson begin!