Tuesday, February 27, 2007

The mechanical mini-man locomoted his way onto the desk and up to the lady official. For a moment he stood, as if inspecting her, then he broke the silence: "I'm looking for a job!" he said, aiming his beepy voice at her.

"Qualifications?" she asked laconically, not without a sense of boredom.

"I'm great at assembling."


"No, poems. I have full creativity circuits. Random imaginings. I put words together in ways that stimulate human brainwaves."

"Ha!" she exclaimed, with a hint of meanness in her voice. "Everyone wants to be creative! I'll give you illuminary engineer - you screw in light bulbs." And she laughed again, somewhat harsher.

"It's beneath my dignity," the mini-man beeped humbly.

"You better take it," she hollered 20 decibels over his capacity to process, "it's the best I'll give you!"

And without awaiting an answer, she snatched up the phone, dialed a number and announced into the receiver, "I've got a new robot for you." Turning to the mini-man she yelled, "Right??"

"Oh no, this will never do," the mini-man beeped to himself. "Too much empathy. I'll have to dismantle her and start again. It's no trivial matter, building automatons for the unemployment office."

Story #389

Thanks to everyone for a great set of stories! This was really great! Sorry I was so long in posting.


weirsdo said...

You're kidding, right? But I was all done! What does he want a robot with genitals for anyway? No don't tell me. But honestly. A hermaphrodite?

Meander said...

I am browsing through blogs this evening and found yours. This is such a great idea for writing stories. I am very intrigued...

Tom & Icy said...

"9-1-1. What is your emergency?"
"Wo but..."
"I'm sorry, please speak up and state your emergency."
"Ma wo but hut me in da moof."
"Please take whatever you have in your mouth out and speak clearly."
"Dat wo but hut me an stook its arm dun ma moof."
"Are you having a stroke?"
"Moof, moof, on ma foose."
"Are you saying mouth?"
"Yaaaaaa! Right! Arm stook in ma moof!"
"Someone stuck their arm in your mouth?"
"Yaaaaaa! Right! Hope me. Wo But stook its arm dun ma moof."
"Someone stuck their arm down your mouth?"
"Wo but."
"Their name is Robert?"
"Nooooooo! Wo but. It wus a wobut."
"Are you saying a rabbit stuck its arm in your mouth?"
"Noooooo! A wobut. Makoonical mon! Wobut!"
"Uh, you mean 'robot'?
Yaaaaaaa! Right!"
"Are you trying to say that a robot stuck it's arm down your mouth?"
"Yaaaaaaa! Right! It hut me un its arm wit dun ma moof."
"A robot hit you and it's arm went down your mouth?"
"Yaaaaaaa! Right! Un ma moof is stook upon."
"Now your mouth is stuck open?"
"Yaaaaaa! Right!"
"Ya, right."
"Hope me! Pleeze hope me!"
"We do not have time for these prank calls. You are wasting valuable time and could be causing someone with a real problem from getting the help they need. Please hang up now!"

Lammy said...

I got the kids a toy robot. They had it for five minutes and next thing I knew there were wires pulled out and it was walking backwards and making some really strange sounds. The little thing was changing the TV channels and making the computer surf by itself. The cat was screaming desperately for help. It was buzzing around like one of those auto vacuums, sucking up dirt and then blowing it out of its mouth creating a dust cloud like smoke. When you tried to get near it to turn it off, it would kick and bite. I opened the door to air out the room and it slipped out. Before I realized it was gone, it had dismantled the car, ploughed up the yard like a garden, knocked over the fire hydrant causing water to spew like a geyser and chopped down the tree! I snuck up behind it while it was trying to have sex with the mail box and poured water on it. There was smoke and sparks, and finally silence. The kids thought it was funny!

Black Angel said...

we've moved...

please update your links





Elbot said...

"Sweep my desk! Sweep! Sweep! Sweep!" the mean mistress screamed at Mecko, the mobiltronic robot. But he wasn't the kind of robot to pick a fight, so he just did it.

"Gabba gabba gabba gabba" Mecko's mistress blabbered on the phone while his brain tick-tocked in rhythm to his sweeping.

"Gabba gabba gabba gabba gabba" she droned on.

"Sweep sweep sweep" his brain ticked, as he swept meticulously, mechanically, intricately. A fine job. But like any multi-tasking mind, he wandered from the word and generated personal thoughts, while his peripheral functions swept up the desk.

"Gabba gabba gabba" the mistress nonsensed on - not thinking of anything really. Some people did not even single-task. They half-tasked without a thought. Like his mistress. For the record, Mecko's chores were strictly platonic. She was not a mistress in THAT sense - thank all that was electronic. "Gabba gabba gabba gabba" she continued. She never seemed to finish.

Mecko swept and swept. But he had dreams. One day he would be far from here. She would "gabba gabba" on. And he would be out there on the pulse of life, running the strobe light at a techno-party.

Tom & Icy said...

Hooray for Elbot! He's wonderful! We love it about the half-task mistress.

Doug said...

Icy, that was hilarious. And I'm glad Elbot was here to cover for Indie on vacation.

"Hold on, I'll have to call you back. My Personal Affirmations Robot is stuck on 'Have you lost weight?' again!"

Cheesemeister said...

"Hello, Intergalactic Robotics?" Quinella shouted. "I want to return this Pleasure Robot. You said that you would send me one that looked like Denzel Washington and screwed like Long Dong Silver. Instead what I got was one that quotes Washington Irving and fixes my plumbing using all-silver pipes! What the hell are you trying to pass off here? What's that you say? I ordered the PLU-519, which is the Super Literate Plumbing Robot where I should have ordered the FU-69, which is the Super-Pumping Love Deluxe Robot. Well, you should use larger print on your damn website! Never mind, I'll keep the little bastard, my garbage disposal has never worked so good. But I want you to rush me that Super-Pumping Love Deluxe sucker to me pronto!"

Britney Spears said...

I ordered the beautician robot and it shaved my ass and made me walk around on my hands!

Mutha said...

"NO! Way!" she screamed, "Is this your idea of a joke?"
"You wanted a companion, my darling," he replied meekly. " You didn't say what size."
"A companion, you ass," she hissed. "This is tiny robot and it's missing batteries!"
"I...I was worried, my love," he mumbled.
"I didn't want to make him too fabulous for fear that you would forget me."

weirsdo said...

T&I: Sounds as if one of Minnie Strator's relatives is on the other end of that line.

cooper said...

Except for the fact that the women has darker hair I was startled for a moment as it looks like my roommate.

Some very creative stories here this week.

I definitly got the first impression that the mini robot was her personal assistant.

The Alien Guy said...

This story was originally written in the Shiznit language and I translated it into English, but I think it sounds a lot better in Shiznit (that's the planet I come from).

Once a robot there was, yes was it and a girl did get the robot toy and it was not for real a robot at all, was it a telephone and you hang the reciever up on it's arm. And like that. But the girl did not know was it a telephone and she thought was it a real robot. The girl thought she was supposed to speak into the reciever and give instructions for the robot to do, but it didn't do what she told it to do in the reciever. She got really really mad until a voice came over the reciever saying, "If you wish to make a call, hang up and try dialing again." Then was it she realized was it a telephone and not a real robot.

Like I said, the story sounds a lot better in the original Shiznit language and it didn't translate very well into English.

weirsdo said...

Lammy, did the mailbox lateer have any weird offspring?

Indeterminacy said...

Mrs. Weirsdo: Robotic hermaphrodites! This opens up all kinds of mechanical possibilities.

Meander: It's always nice to make a new friend - I'll be by often for some of the sweet tea.

Tom&Icy: Your story was so hilarious!

Lammy: You're even funnier than Tom&Icy, if that's at all possible.

Black Angel: Thanks for the message - I've updated!

Elbot: Nice to see some computer generated creativity here! Wish I'd written it.

Doug: DUmpt that robot at a weightwatcher's meeting.

Cheesemeister: really great! I wonder what the FU-69 looks like? Think of the ergonomics!

Britney: Oh dear. I hope no one gets sued.

Mutha: That is really funny! It might have been me on the other end of the phone, too!

Cooper: I'll send you the other photo of her that I saved, and see what you say. I found myself thinking about this photo a long time.

Alien Guy: I'll write to altavista and tell them to include a better English-Shiznit service in their babelfish. Still a great story though! I'm a big fan of Shiznitian humor.

Tom & Icy said...

That was a neat plot switch at the end, Indie. We sure liked that. It fooled us. We never thought of the girl as a robot. You slipped it in nicely.

The Wisdom of Wislon said...

not sure which is more scary :>)

Doug said...


Indeterminacy said...

Wise Wislon: You know, I read my story again, and I wasn't sure either. Wasn't actually intending to be scary.

Doug: *takes bows* (and accidentally hits head on the monitor)

Indeterminacy said...

Tom & Icy: Thank you. I hoped it wouldn't be too easy to guess ;-)

Cheesemeister said...

I love it! The little robot makes me think of how I feel in my working life. Creativity stifled, go into android mode. No wonder I blog so damn much!

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee said...

i like my short men
naked with little pink sticks
organic, only!

fembot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
fembot said...

she's very cuddly, isn't she?

reminds me of myself just a few minutes ago....

Indeterminacy said...

Fembot a/k/a Catnapping: Clever haiku. I love it!