Wednesday, September 13, 2006


From a hollow in the ground two pairs of eyes followed the silhouetted figures as they roamed the barren tundra. Lingering near the horizon was an indifferent sun that would neither rise nor set. The indistinct figures traversed the confines of the twilight horizon, to and fro, without aim and with no apparent design.

"They're automatons," a deep whisper stated, "of my creation."

"I see," came a soft voice, "I've pondered them for a long while, spied at them from afar or, on occasion, nearby, from the safe shadows of a lonely shrub..." The voice trailed off, but the ponderings continued in agile eyes that burned their brand into whatever they saw. It was a woman who had answered.

"I apologize for the tedium," the man responded. There was a long silence in which the stiff figures dragged themselves in their never-ending journey to nowhere, while the audience of two looked on.

"But it is not tedious at all," she declared finally, "They are admirable creations, to be sure. But what drives them?"

"They search, search without recognition. They seek that for which they have no words. There is no soul in them. Only action and reaction, one perpetuating the other."

"How did you create them?" she wondered.

"Sticks bundled together and jointed, tight wrappings like a living shroud, a breath of brain from my own mouth."

A sharp look of surprise: "You possess such powers?"

"In a moment you will suggest the obvious. You will suggest that I am one of them, spawning my own kind, but that is not the case, though they are made in my image. I am real, as you are, but no matter how many tens of thousands of them exist, they would never be capable of originating a thought."

"Why is this not possible?"

"Because there are limits to what my magic - what any magic - can do. And that is why I have sacrificed my last powers to create you, my child."

"!!" and the look that brands.

He continued, eyes averted from her firm stare: "You must go to them now, allow yourself to be seen. They will pursue you, worship you, elevate you to the stature of goddess. You will inspire what they cannot conceive alone: a single thought, the catalyst to eternity.

"And then?"

"And then, with passions untold, they will consume you - mentally, physically and spiritually."

Silence - broken only by the sound of shuffling footsteps.

From the fold of the apron that clothed her, she drew a stone and brought it down fatally on the head of her creator. She embraced his slumped form and breathed into his mouth. He stirred, stood up and climbed from the hollow to join the aimless meanderings of his automatons.

Story #372

Important bulletin: Go and sign this petition that Cocaine Jesus has started to BRING BACK TRANSIENCE and to convince Blogger to take action against creeps like the one who drove her from the Blogosphere.

Postscript: Go check out D.T. Holt's Weblog "I Got a Lot to Say". He posted a really nice write-up about Indeterminacy, as well as his own experiment in spontaneous prose, which turned out quite well, I think.

17 comments:

D.T. Holt said...

Thanks for the kind comments on my blog and the link above! Stay in touch.

dt holt

Doug said...

"Follow me and I'll follow the sun"

The Boy from S.A.C.A.D.A. said...

That big guy whos me when I grow up says hes thinking of a story and will probalbly post it tomorrow.

D.T.Holt: I will stay in touch with you to. But I warn you, I right much better than Indie.

Uncle Doug: Thats quite a symbolick ministory for 9/11.

Indeterminacy said...

D.T. Holt: Yes we will definitely stay in touch!

Doug: For some reason that reminds me of a Velvet Underground song. I think it was called "Who Loves the Sun"

S.A.C.A.D.A.: You are going around confusing people leaving comments like this. Most people don't get that you're me when I was 11.

Doug said...

Wow, Indie. Atmospheric and deep. Kind of makes me feel bad for being a smartass for now.

Minka said...

I liked it, not sure i got it though.
cretaion with a female twist?
Well, we sorta upset creation the first time around as well, put not every girl can pull off green :)

Indeterminacy said...

Doug: Thanks - it might have come about because my muse just finished reading Ovid - although I haven't yet read it. It did seem different somehow than the other stories, but I can't really say why or how. Maybe it's the photo.

Minka: Please don't ask me to explain the stories - I don't know if I get it either. It's kind of puzzling.

Enemy of the Republic said...

Interesting that your story felt influenced by Ovid. I had four images: LOTR: following the paths of the dead, The Seventh Seal: the dance of death. The Odyssey: Odyssess traveling to the underworld and learning about the unburied body of one of his men, The Aenied: Aenaes speaking with his beloved death father. There is something about traveling to the land of the dead and (with the exception of the Seventh Seal) returning to the world at large. Is it dreamlike? Are you in a coma and suddenly wake up, but nothing is the same? Have we descending from grace only to ascend again and find out that grace really doesn't matter? Just some thoughts your story and picture inspired.

My apologies for not visiting more. I love your blog and what you do.

Indeterminacy said...

Enemy: There's no need to apologize for not stopping by. We all share this mutual problem of knowing about more blogs than we could possibly visit. One small mercy is that I only write one story a week now.

I probably wrote something a little mythological because I knew my muse was reading Ovid. Of course I've read LOTR (and Silmarillion) as well as the Odyssee and other works of ancient literature, ages ago.

Thanks for sharing your impressions - they help me to understand the story better!

Cocaine Jesus said...

many thanks for the Bring Back Trasnience plug.

C'MON GUYS SIGN UP!!!

{illyria} said...

first of all, thanks for the link, indie. second, what i love most about this is its ambience. and how you dragged us right inside the story, communing with the characters. and i just realized how the details bring their very own spark, as if they're little stories inside the big story.

Cori said...

That was really great Indie!

weirsdo said...

Good ending. All administrators may profit from this treatment.

Tom & Icy said...

Makes me realize that zombies were once dynamic people.

Indeterminacy said...

Cocaine Jesus: We all have to stand together against harrassment like this - I hope that blogger will take action on anything like this occurring under their jurisdiction.

{illyria}: I'm rather thunderstruck by the nice words you commented. And to be truthful, I still don't know what I did with this story or how I did it.

Cori: I feel guilty that you stopped by, because I owe you a long e-mail. I take it your book will be out soon now. Everyone should stop by agagreflex.blogspot.com and check it out. Very happy you enjoyed the story.

Weirsdo: Yes, always keep a rock handy. A granite geode the size of a cantaloupe should be sufficient for most occasions.

Tom & Icy: I see dozens of zombies every day during the train ride to and from work. They keep to themselves mostly. But sometimes they will tell you what time it is if you ask them. There's quite a write-up on zombies at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zombie.

Cocaine Jesus said...

and now for the story.

but what can i sat that your other commentors haven't already said?

maybe this, this word of wild and youthful wisdom. a phrase used by my children...

WICKED!

Indeterminacy said...

Cocaine: And it looks like there are no apples to take down and share.