Sunday, December 16, 2007

Well sir, softball's my game. I admire the shape of a graceful gal dancin' a ball through destiny, runnin', jumpin' and slidin' like a ballet lady doin' square dance. And them postures! Like poetry writin' itself! I been goin' to these games ever Saturday since I been a young'n - before you's born, I suppose. I could tell you stories. See that pitcher down there? Reminds me a Bruna. That was afore all these gals here been born. She was a legend. A marvel in form and skill. I reckon I saw ever one a her games. The stories I could tell you bout her! I seen her hit a ball out a the park with her bare fists. That's how tough she was. And fierce! Used to play baseball. Talk was she'd killed a man in Kansas. With a home run. Ball come down a mile away and beaned him into the Great Beyond. They made her leave the state and promise never to play baseball agin but she started right back up in the next state playin' softball! Ain't nobody could hit one a her pitches no matter what size ball she throwed.

Now a gal got a reputation like that it gits talked around and Bruna's got talked clear outta the galaxy, all the way to Alpha Mango! Them critters out there loved softball. They'd watch her games via asteroid straight on into Mango. They couldn't play softball themselves, mind you. Ironic. Cause the entire planet was like one huge softball field. Red clay dust and sun shinin' gentle like a daylight moon. Well sir, they almost could a played it but their heads was too big to hold a softball cap. And was like to pop if'n a ball'd ever hit 'em. So that was out. They just watched Bruna. But you understand, watchin' games via asteroid ain't the same as bein' there. So these Mangonians, they decides they's gonna take a trip to Earth and right in the middle of a game, while no one is lookin', they's gonna girlnap Bruna, her team and the entire other team they's playing against. Then they's gonna whisk 'em off to Mango and shunt 'em around the planet playin' softball the rest a their lives - to Mangonian masters!

That's a gawd awful thing to happen to a team a fine atheletes like these gals was, but they didn't know it was gonna happen. Not until them Mangonian hyenas come ploppin' down outta the heavens like pigs what couldn't fly. They was 18 a them, one to a gal. At first everone was stunned and silent like, the way they might figurin' out a firecracker gone off in church service. Then everone a them Mangonians lunged towards a gal and there was screamin' and a runnin' and mayhem worse'n dawgs in a cat kennel. Then I saw what I guess I admire most about atheletes. They can look at a situation they done never seen before, size it up, know what they wanna git out a it, and then do what it takes to make that happen. Bruna had the ball and she precisioned up the mightiest pitch I ever seen. I wished I could a seed it in slow motion. That ball left her hand like a atom bomb out a airplane and bing'd right off a Mangonian's head. That head popped like a soap bubble and gook streamed out like butter meltin' off a hotcake. Bruna's coach was a quick thinker too and he started hurdlin' buckets a softballs out onto the field. Bruna caught one and she pitched one after the other a them balls and didn't stop 'til them Mangonians was 18 headless autopsies.

Well sir, after that the umpires come in and restored order and had 'em clean up the field and after the field was all virginned up again, set the gals back to playin'. But nothin' much else happened in that game, ceptin' that Bruna pitched another no-hitter.

Story #413

Thanks very much to Ctoner for donating this photo!

This is an hitonious video of me trying to read the story....

The joke is on me - despite this video being incredibly bad it made #92 in the category comedy - Germany (which may just be the easiest category in the world to break into). If you have a youtube account you can help put me in the top ten :-)

- Cooper has started a fantastic new site called Should Be Famous.
- Western Swing on 78 is a fantastic old-time site with lots of music to explore.
- Last and least: I finally posted Story #408.


Unknown said...

"So big!"

April's Place said...

She was known as 'the monster of softball" and this time she was bound and determined to throw it right out of the park, not matter what it took.

Hobbes said...

Before becoming "Helga the Amazon" in the WWF, Gretchen McElvoy was the star pitcher on her high school softball team. The Cougarettes won the state championship three years in a row. Gretchen/Helga is seen here with her trademark neon yellow ball.

Llama said...

He had annoyed her for the last time.

"Broom hair! Broom hair!"
The taunts were still ringing in her head. Years of taunting. Years of tears and unhappiness. But she had endured enough. Never again would he humiliate her.

She stretched her arms out. The wind whooshed through her burnt blonde hair. She was going to sweep him and his insults out of her life this time. She crinkled her eyes in deep concentration. This would be it.

She swung. The ball was let loose as it whizzed through the wind.

He swung.

He missed.

"Strike three. You're out."

She smiled, her burnt blonde hair glistening in the sunlight. He had been swept out. Finally.

Big Frank Dickinson said...

It hadn't been an easy life for Ama; her size had not won her friends or respect. Usually she just sucked it up and shook it off. Maybe all those slights and jeers over the years had just accumulated for too long. At any rate, today it just proved to be too much. Taking the mound (as though she needed that!), and pitching a 2 hitter for 6 innings; things were indeed going well. Then in the bottom of the 7th the taunts started: "Hey, Amazon woman - how big are they?"; and, "Let me get my ladder and I'll give you a kiss;" . . . and on and on. Well she broke - can you blame her? So she streched out. . . over the fence . . . far beyond even the next field, and put the ball on top of the lights, turned, and went home. And that was the only ball anyone had, so . . game over.

The OE said...

Jenna was extremely constipated the day after eating the first basewoman. It didn't bode well for the team.

Cooper said...

You had me at "Marla was a girl, but she was also a seed.".

ming said...

Urrrrgagh, said Ulga

C Merry said...

It was always called a tired old sci-fi premise "let the crime fit the punishment".. but the concept had an appeal. The Justice Department treasured it's first recruit. Bone Crusher Bonnie had such exquisite aim she could re-create the bruises and breaks that a batterer left on a wife or child or partner to an almost photographic tee. The beaters now had the pleasure of feeling what those black and blue and cracked bones they left on others felt like.. the convicted could choose this or go to jail. The program's live witness and press viewing stands were always SRO had a high success rate of the criminal changing their ways. And Bonnie seemed to enjoy her work.

Becca said...

Hey indie... thankyou for your kind comments... I was just wondering how you found my work blog? See I'm trying to diconnect all my sites from each other and keep personal information on me on the net minimal. I'm presuming you found it through Myspace. Damn them, I tried to get them to delete it but they won't do it :(

shiny said...

They all fell for it. Every one of them. Even that player on first base. Keep your eye on the ball, they say. But people don't, really, they see what they want to see. Give a woman a ball and the willingness to throw it and they think they've got it figured out. Like when you're looking for something and after 15 minutes you find it right under your nose. You think you know what you'll see and you stop looking. But I didn't stop looking. Sure, she faked it really well. The strength, the stance. But no real softball player wears make-up and pitches with eyes shut.

Steve Will said...

Jenna was a young woman who made the most of her opportunities. Jenna was a dedicated teammate, sister and friend. Blessed with athletic ability and an inner power, she was as confident a teenage girl as I had ever taught. I knew she was destined for great things. I snapped this photo of her one day when her parents had forgotten theirs. My daughter, Olivia, is behind her, playing first base. They had been good friends since middle school.

When I asked Olivia yesterday what her favorite photo of the two of them was, she surprised me by picking this one. Olivia said, today of all days, she felt like Jenna standing there, in front, taking things into her own hands, while others were in the background.... well, it just made sense.

When they graduated, Olivia and Jenna went separate ways. My daughter went off to collge. Jenna felt she owed something to her country. So when that IED went off, she was there, in front, taking things into her own hands.

We'll always remember Jenna that way.

Acquaintance said...

Hey Indie, I liked you story for 408 and this photo. Also I think the photo contests thing is a big scam.

Take care

DW2 said...

Y - M-C-A! It was the perfect song for the seventh-inning stretch crowd dance participation....

Indeterminacy said...

Thanks everyone who contributed stories this time around. It was a great set!

Doug: Yes, softballs are bigger somehow,

April: That's cool. Why shouldn't pitchers get to break conformity and pitch a ball out of the park?

Hobbes: I think the neon makes the ball easier to find. We lost so many baseballs practicing in the park.

Poojo: What a nice softball revenge. Thanks for your story. I like it when girls win.

Frank: I guess they will apologize to Ama. Where would they find another ball like that?

OE: That was my impression - that is one fierce player. I wouldn't want to be the one at bat.

Cooper: Thank you.

Ming: Cool! That's what I "heard" the first time I looked at the picture.

C Merry: That was quite an imaginative take on the photo. Nicely done.

Observer: Your story is profound somehow. Sounds like it's Sam Spade narrating.

Steve: That has such depth in such a short space - and I never expected the ending. It's one to make you think.

Mavin: Glad you liked 408 and sorry to hear that contest was not what it seemed to be. Your photography is still great, though.

DW2: Softball party sounds like fun!

Jamie Dawn said...

"An" hitonious is correct, but as long as anyone uses the word hitonious, I don't care if they massacre the surrounding words.

Hello there!! How FUN to see you in a video!!
TOP 10 here you come!!!!!

I am distantly related to the Alpha Mangonians.
That is why my kids have heads shaped like mangos.

Tom & Icy said...

That was a great video. That must have been your Cincinnati accent.

Madeleine said...

I loved this story, Inde! Funny that I skipped it the first time around since I'm usually biased against sports - what a surprise it was then to like it so much. Of course, it's due to the treatment itself, solid stuff...

Indeterminacy said...

Jamie: No wonder you don't age. the life span of a Mangonian is around three thousand years.

Tom & Icy: You mean Cincinnatuh

Madeleine: I know how you feel - in newspapers I always skip the sports section. Glad you like the story - when I read my own stuff it always seems tedious to me. Did you ever read "You Could Look It Up" by James Thurber? A baseball story told in dialect. That's a nice read.

Anonymous said...

Yall from Cincinnatuh sounds alot like uses from Gawgia. Loved the video!